I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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