omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
