Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
3 2 1 whiskey
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
and you fell through a lawn chair
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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