K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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