Just fell off a train. Bad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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