is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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