At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
