I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i think my cat just said my name.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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