my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
