I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
