You're completely useless in the revolution.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
