I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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