we made out on top of his cat.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
