What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
