She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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