soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
