pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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