and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
