On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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