end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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