maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
