I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
