It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
