i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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