I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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