i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize