these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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