we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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