You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
