guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
