He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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