you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my liver is dry heaving
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
