3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
