my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
