I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Randomize
