i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize