Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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