He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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