my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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