Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
