If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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