come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
