I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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