I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
