apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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