Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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