i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
