I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
