Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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