so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
