Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
