speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The uberlube is also flammable
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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