I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
