fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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