I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i think i just lost a toe
I have post one night stand depression
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