Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
