Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
