I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
