I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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