return my video game
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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