READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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