Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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