guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
