Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
