I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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