You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
